Chicken or the egg? Attitude or behavior?

“First try to change your attitude in order to change behavior. If not, focus the other way, and that also works!“ 

Since the time I became a certified coach, one question has been at the forefront of my mind without receiving a definitive answer…Should one change attitude to see a change in behavior or change behavior so that attitude changes along with it? This dilemma of which comes first continues to this day, counting 15 years now.

Perhaps I have found an answer now! Let me share some examples from my coaching experience so you can understand why my dilemma persisted for a while…

Case 1:

This Coachee is a brilliant business leader who has reached the CXO position in record time and was transitioning to take over as the Group CEO of a diversified Business house. The board had witnessed his brilliance as indicated by the rapid doubling of business revenue in the division he led. The employees could well vouch for the smart business decisions he had made during this stint. The transition to the new role meant that he had to now oversee a legacy business which had a significantly higher demographic profile especially among the leadership team. This is where the Coachee’s behavior, of giving a solution for anything and everything that the business threw at him, was overwhelming for the senior direct reports. It was like telling others, “I know it all,I will give the solution and take the decision.”

My default approach in such cases was to explore and uncover his limiting beliefs on people and correlate them with his limiting behaviors…and that is what I worked on!

His limiting belief: I have been successfully giving my views and taking decisions on various issues quickly and efficiently that they not only provided solutions but had great business outcomes. I do not believe in wasting time asking for the views of others and arriving at a consensus, because I have been proven to be abundantly correct by the business results.

I challenged this belief and helped him understand the truth that his brilliance could be too overwhelming and carried the risk of  putting a lid over the views and ideas put forth by anyone else.

The Coachee reflected on this point, and it nudged him into foreseeing the consequences of his behavior and helped him realize the importance of encouraging and inviting other’s views as part of a decision making process. This enabled him to reframe his attitude towards the process of decision making within a group.

We listed out a set of actions that he would pursue thereupon, cementing this ‘reframed attitude’.

This change in attitude led to the Coachee demonstrating considerable trust in the abilities of others to bring ideas and solutions to the table. It led to Coachee starting to provide them the first opportunity to express themselves.

In a period of two months, the Coachee began to experience considerable improvement in the engagement and contribution of his Leadership team. In fact the decisions were more enriching and well thought out, carrying different perspectives rather than just being owned by one, which was himself.

Case 2:

This Coachee was a senior leader with a high need for control and micromanagement. It was a well known folklore in the Company that ‘big brother was watching and you better mind every step you take.’

There was a huge level of frustration and dissatisfaction among his direct reports because he did not trust them, and they felt that their every move was under scrutiny.

My initial meetings to understand the Coachee brought out one key belief: the Coachee believed that if you don’t micromanage your people, they would go off track and the results would not meet expectations. He was so particular in believing that this was the universal truth and hence nobody could be allowed to be left on their own. To him, giving autonomy at the workplace also meant that he would lose control over them. He was indeed very paranoid about letting go of this assumed control.

Initially, I struggled to convince him of the negative fallout of his approach and the effect on his team members. Finally, after much persuasion, I was able to open up to do some experimentation on his style of dealing with his team members.

We chose one team member with whom he would follow an empowered approach, meaning …spelling out the expectations of the outcome, the timelines, and a reasonable frequency of status update. He would follow this for a month and carefully observe not only the outcome but also be conscious of how he felt about the same.

 As we took our first review of this experiment after a month, the Coachee was smiling and reported that there were pleasant surprises for him along the journey…the progress on the project was as per his expectations, there was more enthusiasm from the team member, and also the Coachee felt that he was experiencing greater relaxation with every update that his team member gave.

I seized the moment and suggested expanding the experiment with two more direct reports. The results were as positive as could be.

The Coachee in a matter of two to three months was convinced that he needed to change his attitude in terms of control and micro management, and soon demonstrated a marked change in behavior.

So, how would we answer the question…’Attitude or Behavior, which comes first?’

My considered response would be ‘First try to change attitude in order to change behavior. If not, focus the other way, and that also works!’ Having said that, it would be of critical importance to register the changed attitude in the mind of the Coachee so that it is a sustained behavioral change.

Author – P.Senthil Kumar, CFI Coach