How Good Am I, Really?

“In attempting to answer for oneself the underlying question (How effective, really, am I?), there are two problematic responses that come up.The imposter syndrome Lack of humility“   

How effective am I, really really?
How talented? How competent? How good?
This is a question that I believe is in the minds of a lot of people.

As a coach I present 360º feedback to my clients, and I notice two patterns seemingly in opposite directions, but I believe they are two sides of a coin – underpinned by that one question.

• The first pattern: most people jump ahead to the “areas for improvement” as the first step in reading the report. I urge them to start with their strengths – but I am ignored; they are pulled like moths to that fire. What do people see as ‘wrong’ with me?

• When I discuss these areas with them further, it turns out most people are not surprised seeing those behaviours listed there; but they did not know how ‘big’ an issue they were, how these impacted other people, how noticeable it all was, and so on.

  The 360º feedback results help them calibrate how effective (or not) they are, aided by others’ perceptions. The underlying question is all about How effective (really) am I?

• A second pattern: in 2021 we got 360º feedback (using an online survey) about 465 managers from more than 5500 employees, on 24 leadership behaviours. We had also asked the managers for their self-perceptions. In 21 out of 24 behaviours, self-perceptions are higher than others’ perceptions! (See graph).

  Most of the time, on most parameters in a 360º survey, most people rate themselves higher than others rate them.

  Again, when I discuss this pattern with an individual client, I invariably get a sheepish smile and then some explanation or the other. At the bottom of it all seems to be “I don’t think I am so wonderful at everything. Honestly – I don’t exactly know where I am … and in that case better to err on the higher side rather than rating myself low.” If you don’t know, fake it – seems to be the mantra.

In attempting to answer for oneself the underlying question (How effective, really, am I?), there are two problematic responses that come up.

1. The ‘imposter syndrome’ – the belief that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth. A person in such a situation begins to see themselves as worse than they really are.
2. Lack of humility – the opposite belief is a different kind of problem – arrogance, over-estimation of oneself, false pride. The person begins to see themselves as better than they really are.

The imposter syndrome

A coach told me the story of a client he was working with. The client was in a CXO role but he had some serious concerns that were clogging his path to success:

• He did not have any formal qualifications related to that area;
• He was relatively inexperienced for such a role;
• The vision that the CEO had for the role overwhelmed him

Such concerns are not uncommon – most people have faced such anxieties at some point or other. The point is to not let these obstruct the path to success.

Here are some ways to overcome the imposter syndrome and related problems:

1. Seek anonymous and candid 360º feedback.

A good idea of how others perceive us can help us get a fix on how effective we really are. Often, we only have assumptions on how other people perceive us – leading to erroneous conclusions about our effectiveness.

A 360º feedback survey can give you deep insights on other’s perceptions of you. These insights, in turn, can help you get a firm picture of yourself and your effectiveness.

There are many ways to gather this information. There are excellent sites that can help you set in motion anonymous feedbacks which are worth trying.

2. Reflect on your “self limiting beliefs”, change them to be constructive and positive.

For example, “I am not fully qualified for this role” is not as helpful a self-belief as “I can and will learn the most important skills and knowledge to excel at this role”.

“I am not as good at this as people think I am” is not as helpful as “Others’ expectations of me need to and can be managed by me – whether it is to grow and develop to meet/ exceed those expectations, or negotiate with them to modify those expectations”

3. Talk with someone – a coach/ mentor, close family, and/ or your personal board of directors – and get their help.

If you are already feeling the burden of the imposter syndrome, undertaking the first two tasks can be difficult. Don’t forget – asking for help is a sign of strength! Find and work with a person who can help you put the outputs of steps #1 and #2 into a coherent whole. And help you get a clearer answer to “How good am I, really?”

Exaggerated self-perception – the opposite problem

The idea that you are worse than you really are is one thing; the opposite belief is a different kind of problem – arrogance, over-estimation of oneself, false pride: these are all indicators of a lack of humility.

But there’s more to this. I once asked a client how he could leverage his biggest strength (“technical expertise”) while working on his biggest focus area (“people engagement”). How can you make your expertise more visible to people and build engagement starting with that? His immediate response was that he was not the type of person who bragged about his expertise, and he would rather not choose that path.

This can be seen as some form of ‘pseudo-humility’ – “I know I have huge expertise but I don’t want to brag about it because I value humility”.

Humility has been seen as a virtue in many cultures across the world – from Ancient Greece to Eastern cultures like India and China. Contemporary research reiterates that humility is a powerful leadership quality, even in today’s context.

Unfortunately people nowadays often confuse it with weakness, meekness, being self-effacing or submissive; it is none of these things. Humble people accept they have strengths and talents and are open to leveraging them, while at the same time are fully aware there is much ‘beyond’ to learn and discover.

In the example of the client with high technical expertise, I challenged him to expand his thinking. He came up with: I can offer some training sessions, and also I can mentor a few select youngsters to deep dive into this technical area. And he realised as he talked about it that he would also learn and grow in this process. No bragging, but humility at work!

If you suspect you may believe yourself to be better than you really are, here are two suggestions:

1.Ask for feedback

Especially if you are senior and/ or knowledgeable, it is critical to explicitly seek feedback from others on areas that you can work on, develop and strengthen.A structured 360º feedback survey will help you compare your self-perceptions to others’ perceptions. If your self-perceptions are consistently higher than what others perceive, reflect on why this may be so. Are you overestimating your capabilities, your strengths?

1. Take actions that demonstrate humility, such as:

• Resist talking about/ bragging about your successes.
  How did this change the way people engaged with you?
• Everyday, identify something you did to impress others or show off.
  Stop doing this for a time.Observe changes in yourself, and in the way people engage with you.
• Admit your mistakes and apologise. Even to those junior and/ or younger than you.How does it make you feel? How does this impact the way people engage with you?

In summary – as you reflect on the question “How good am I, really?” neither undervalue your capabilities and strengths, nor overestimate them. Balance, as always, is the key.

Author – Anand Kasturi, CFI Coach