The inner-work for coaches

“The conscious domain of self-awareness tries to answer the ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions about our behaviour. It is important; it is a great starting point; this work itself requires some effort, and it has its rewards: better self-management, improved relationships with stakeholders, fuller use of our skills etc.”

What is the ‘preparation of the self’ for a coach? What is the ‘inner-work’ required of a coach, and of managers in organizations taking up a coaching role?

This is something I have been reflecting upon ever since CFI invited me to steer its Team Coaching Practice in early 2023.

It is a truism of sorts that coaches need a reasonable degree of self-awareness. But how do we unpack the idea of self-awareness?

I would include two aspects in it: the conscious and the unconscious.

In the conscious domain of self-awareness, we can include our understanding of our own behaviour, attitudes, and values. Together, these three areas constitute what we commonly term as strengths and development areas. The conscious domain of self-awareness tries to answer the ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions about our behaviour. It is important; it is a great starting point; this work itself requires some effort, and it has its rewards: better self-management, improved relationships with stakeholders, fuller use of our skills etc.

If we take the iceberg model of personality, this can be described as that part of the iceberg that is above water, and therefore visible to us.

However, there is another aspect to our inner-work, whether as coaches or as managers donning a coaching hat. This is to delve into what is not so easily visible to us (unconscious), and therefore something that takes more concerted efforts to figure out: our motives that may include gaining recognition, status, or power etc.; and our need for love, validation or salience (importance) etc.

The relationship among motives and needs is often complex: power and recognition, for example, serve as a good compensation for the real or perceived absence of love. As coaches we have to develop some clarity of which of these motives drive our behaviour, and which needs are we particularly susceptible to. Because these motives, together with needs (unconsciously) intervene to influence our behaviour, attitude, and values, and inform our stance as coaches.

My own experience over the years of uncovering my motives and needs has led me to believe that it’s work that is never finished, and that these motives and needs come in the way of all my clarity and good intentions, and determine what I sometimes end up doing as a coach. How much do I intervene? What psychological position do I see my client from? What stops me from offering an interpretation which I know would be helpful, but which I withhold? The answers to all these are usually in the above domain of one’s unconscious motives and needs.

In the iceberg model, this can be said to constitute the bulk of our personality: the part that remains below water, and therefore invisible to us. Working on the unconscious aspects of our personality helps answer the ‘why’ question about our behaviour.    

Daunting as uncovering these unconscious aspects of our personality may seem, it is important for coaches as well as for managers playing a coaching role, to venture into this area of inner-work.

Similar to the work with the conscious aspects of our personality, working with the unconscious aspects has its own rewards: coming unstuck from dysfunctional behavioural patterns; a change in the position from which we operate; and an enduring empathy towards our own foibles and that of others, that stops short of complacency. This layer of inner-work is more stable and enduring, allowing us to proceed, and thus to help others proceed.

Author – Ganesh Anantharaman, CFI Coach